Modeling Self-Care
Kids are always watching and learning from the adults around them, especially when it comes to how we take care of ourselves. Setting healthy boundaries, prioritizing physical health, regulating emotions, and seeking help when needed are important behaviors to model for tweens so they see that self-care is normal and an important part of maintaining their own mental health.
Showing, not just telling, how to prioritize mental and physical well-being is critical. Here are some ways to walk the walk and talk the talk when it comes to modeling self-care to your tween and empowering them to say “NO” to unhealthy coping strategies like underage drinking and substance use.
Help Them Practice Healthy Boundaries
Model having dedicated downtime and saying “NO” to avoid overcommitment.
Examples:
- “Thanks for inviting me, but I’ve had a busy week and need a quiet night to recharge.”
- “I’ve been working for a while, and my brain needs a rest. I’m going to take a short break before I finish this.”
- “I love helping others, but I also need to take care of myself so I don’t feel overwhelmed.”
Why it matters:
When you show that it’s okay to practice setting healthy boundaries by taking breaks or saying no, tweens learn that productivity and rest can coexist. It’s okay for them to protect their time and energy instead of feeling like they must do it all.
Encourage Healthy Habits for Mental Well-Being
One of the best ways to support mental well-being is to model healthy habits in everyday life. Stick to a regular bedtime, find ways to be active every day, and avoid using alcohol or other substances to handle stress. And don’t forget to talk openly, sharing the highs and lows of your day, to help regulate emotions and build resilience.
Examples:
- “I’m going for a walk after dinner—it helps me clear my mind and feel energized. Want to join me?”
- ”What is your rose, bud, and thorn from today?”
- “I notice I’m more patient and focused when I go to bed on time.”
Why it matters:
When you make exercise, healthy eating, and sleep a regular part of your daily life—and talk about why these matter – tweens start to learn that taking care of their body isn’t just a healthy habit, but a normal part of everyday life. It’s about showing that balance and consistency really do make a difference. And let’s be honest, our tweens learn more from seeing what we do than from what we say.
Demonstrate Emotional Regulation
Fear, anger, frustration, anxiety, and grief are appropriate human responses, but it’s important to model how to manage and respond to our emotions in a healthy and flexible way, rather than acting impulsively.
Examples:
- “I’m feeling really frustrated right now, and I want to make sure I can talk about this calmly. I’m going to take a few minutes to cool down before we talk.”
- “I care about what we need to talk about, but I want to handle it the right way. Let’s take a short break and come back to it.”
Why it matters:
When emotions are running high – yours or your tween’s – it’s tempting to start a conversation right away. However, this can be counterproductive, and often does more harm than good. Instead of engaging right away, show your tween that it’s okay to take a moment to pause, name your feelings, and respond calmly. When you model emotional regulation, you are showing them that stress does not have to lead to blowups or impulsive decisions. This is a powerful way to help them handle tough moments and manage stress with clarity and confidence.
Nurture Personal Interests
Model making time for hobbies, reading, creativity, and friendships.
Examples:
- “I’m going to my book club tonight because it helps me relax and recharge.”
- “I’m going for a bike ride to clear my head. You’re welcome to join me if you’d like.”
- “I’m meeting a friend for coffee—it’s nice to catch up and support each other.”
Why it matters:
When you make time for activities you enjoy and talk about why these things matter to you, your tween starts to see and learn that taking time for personal interests is part of what keeps us happy and balanced. It shows them that doing something just because it brings joy, helps you relax, or connects you with others. It is a meaningful form of self-care and is not only okay, but it’s an essential component of a healthy and full life.
Normalize Asking for Help
Whether it’s therapy, medical help, or talking to a trusted friend, model reaching out for support so tweens learn that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.
Example:
- “I’ve been feeling really stressed lately, so I talked to my therapist to help me sort things out. It really helps to have someone to talk to.”
- “I don’t have all the answers, so I asked a friend for advice. It’s okay to lean on people we trust.”
- “I used to think I had to handle everything myself, but I’ve learned that asking for help actually makes me stronger.”
Why it matters:
When you show your tween that it’s okay to ask for help – whether it’s calling a friend, talking to a counselor, or simply saying “I’m having a bad day” – you send a powerful message that no one needs to go through hard things alone. This lets your tween understand that reaching out and asking for help is not a weakness but a healthy normal part of life. Just like when we go to the doctor because we are sick, we can talk to someone when we are feeling overwhelmed, demonstrating that mental health is just as important as physical health. Support from trusted individuals promotes healing, balance, and confidence.
When we consistently model self-care, tweens learn self-care is not selfish—it’s necessary to safeguard our mental health! Engaging in these healthy self-care strategies can provide a model for your kids to use when they are overwhelmed instead of resorting to harmful ways to cope like underage drinking and substance use. The more we normalize this, the more confident and supported our tweens will feel when they face challenges on their own.
For more helpful tips for talking with your tween about alcohol, underage drinking, and the importance of their mental health, visit our other posts that are part of our Tween Talk series: